The only carrier whose captain is a living legend
We fly where others are afraid to. We land where we promised. Sometimes.
One Cirrus SR22. One captain. Zero need for anything bigger.
Deploys the entire airframe under one parachute — not an escape pod, the whole plane
Activation history: zero. Confidence boost: infinite
Backup plan for the backup plan: if that somehow isn't enough, we're tying everyone's underwear into one giant sheet for an even softer landing
Your name means nothing to Ilya once the engine starts
He'll say "Charlie" and "Delta" about 556 times per flight. Don't ask who they are.
You will never be as important to him as Charlie or Delta. Make peace with it.
If the bathroom situation on Captain Ilya's boats was the worst thing that's ever happened to you, HOLD THE CAPTAIN'S TOWEL
After this, you and Ilya will be close for life. Whether you like it or not.
Capacity: one person, zero privacy, unlimited bonding
Real tail number. Real flight. You'll be surprised where I am tomorrow.
Track Flight N558CD ✈️Every legend needs a runway. This one just happens to have really good hangars.
Home hub: SNA. Backup hub: wherever the wind and Ilya's mood take him.
TSA PreCheck status: technically unnecessary. Ilya knows a guy.
Ground crew nickname for Ilya: "the mayor." He holds no such office. He acts like he does.
Noise complaints filed against N558CD: several. Framed and hung proudly in the hangar.
Catalina's wildlife has opinions about our flight schedule. We listen. Occasionally.
Every flight to Catalina offsets its carbon footprint by startling exactly one bison.
The island's bison herd has unofficially adopted Ilya. He's closer to full member status than most humans.
Environmental impact report: minimal fuel burned, maximum bison eye contact.
The schedule was written personally by the captain. Not subject to change. Not subject to logic either.
Tap a name to read the full debrief.
Seat not guaranteed. Good mood guaranteed.
Complimentary shuttle service from the parking lot to the aircraft. Terms and conditions apply.
If you think engine roar and pure fear is what's waiting for you in the sky, HOLD ILYA'S BACK — and hold on tight — for the ride to the aircraft.
Helmets: optional. Grip strength: mandatory.
Official shuttle policy: one bike, one throttle, zero survivors of embarrassment.
Estimated ride time to the tarmac: 90 seconds. Estimated heart rate: already gone.
Certificate of Appreciation
This certifies that
Captain Ilya TS
is hereby recognized for outstanding contributions to
Flight Attendant Scouting & Training.
Applicants have never been so thoroughly vetted.
Interviews have never taken so long.
This site was designed and built by Waso Danilenko, TS Airlines Marketing Intern.
To help him leave as quickly as possible, we are now hiring actual marketing professionals.
Requirements: basic HTML, a working sense of humor, and the ability to survive one flight with Captain Ilya TS.
Compensation: exposure. Also snacks.
Current intern performance review: "still here, unfortunately."